Cassidy Spencer | Writer
All the feelings in between.


Sorry, but Best Friends Don't Sit on the Same Side of the Booth

Vera Arsic  (CC0)

Have you ever read an article online that made you roll your eyes in disgust? That’s me whenever I read one that glamorises a certain type of heteronormative relationship. That tries to tell me if my boyfriend doesn’t sit on the same side of the booth as me when we’re eating out he’s not really in love with me. Or if he’s not reaching to hold my hand when his favourite sporting team is playing then he’s not really “the one”.

Please. When my boyfriend is watching Tottenham Hotspur play the last thing he is thinking about is reaching out to hold my hand. And that is okay.

These articles tell you that your boyfriend (always only your boyfriend, never a girlfriend) should be your best friend. What they never seem to realise is that what they’re describing isn’t a best friend. It’s infatuation.

I’m sorry, but your best friend doesn’t want to sit on the same side of the booth as you, and neither does your boyfriend. Not only will everyone in the restaurant secretly roll their eyes at you, it’s also just super impractical depending on the size of the booth.

You’re describing the honeymoon period

I’m over reading articles that tell young, impressionable women to wait for this ideal man who will want to be physically close to them at all times.

Yes, when you first get together that does typically happen. It’s called the honeymoon period, and everyone’s is a different length depending on your individual circumstances. Some can last three months, others can last three years.

But ultimately, they end. And that’s when the real challenges come in.

Relationships are work, platonic or otherwise. They require equal effort from both parties, as well as honesty and trust – and, believe it or not, space.

Think about your own best friend. They have their own lives and their own interests. Yes, they want to tell you everything and are happy to hear everything about you too. They support you and lean on you in equal doses. But they are their own person.

Let’s stop glamorising co-dependence

Suggesting that the best kind of romantic relationship is one where you’re literally the same person is at worst incredibly co-dependent, and at best totally ignorant.

It’s perfectly natural to want your boyfriend (or girlfriend or whoever) to be your best friend. They should be the first person you want to call when something good or bad happens. They should be the person you want to share new experiences with.

But it’s okay if you want to take a new painting class and they don’t. It’s okay if you find their obsession with video games boring as bat shit. You’re allowed to be different people. You’re allowed to have different interests.

As long as you’re supporting each other, that’s what counts. And only you-two can know what that support looks like – not someone’s generic online advice article.